Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Further Musings

Yesterday I let go of some stuff. While writing that I came across something else that I thought was revolutionary. Most people live, for lack of a better term, “separated lives.” They have many different personas, for example a work persona, a home persona, a church persona and an online persona. Who they are in one persona isn’t who they are in another. It creates a very confusing and complicated life.

Looking back at 2005 I realized that I was lucky enough to not have to live like that. My work, home, church and “extra-curricular activities” were all environments in which could be and wanted to be was the same person. In 2006 my environments changed so much and rapidly it was hard to maintain that consistency. My co-workers didn’t overlap into my personal world and my personal world was separate from other aspects of life. I got tired and felt that I wasn’t genuine with the greater world. I’m not sure that I was the best example of Christ I could be either.

I know that it will be a long road, but I hope that in a year I can look at 2007 and say that I got back on the trail to living genuinely in all aspects of life. I pray that I’m transparent about home at work and that I’m transparent about work at home and online.

God – help me to begin to build relationships in this new area. Send my family to the Church that you need us to attend. May that body of believers challenge us to live authentically in all aspects of life for your glory! May I be an open and responsible co-worker and employee. For the glory of Jesus, Amen!

Monday, January 29, 2007

Reflections caused by anniversaries and birthdays.

2006 was a year of change for me and my family.  Arguably 2005 was the best year of my life.  Marriage was great and we learned our family was expanding, work was rewarding and fun, and I finally had great friendssupport group around me.  2006 changed the whole shebang.  As I turn another year older I’m reflecting on the amazing transformation a year makes.  A year ago this week, I had a 2 week old daughter, was preparing to leave a company I loved, and was celebrating a birthday.  This year, I have a one year old (big surprise there) and am at my second “new job” in a year and have moved to another state.  Wow.

Why am I so reflective 4 weeks after the New Year holiday?  Today is my Birthday and in my mind it is now tied to the anniversary of my departure from CTI.

The loss that came from leaving CTI is the biggest thing that will stick with me from 2006. Elin’s birth was wonderfully huge and needing to provide for her and Emily made the decision to leave easy. However I need to put words to some of my thoughts over the past year.

Heading into 2005 I had grown a lot professionally and had completed some major improvements at work.  I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to do them and do them well.  I thought I was all that and a bag chips and felt like the company should reward me as such.  However, I now realize that I was a fool.  When I was first hired in 2002, I was an immature and (at times) unprofessional young man.  I said some things that were dumb.  I didn’t realize how dumb they were at the time, nor did I even remember those things in 2005.  Only lately have some of theses dumb things come to mind.  I have become embarrassed of these circumstances and now understand how those instances made it hard for the company to look at me in 2005 and not see 2002 or 2003.  My arrogance coupled with my history led to me being stagnated and stifled professionally in the later half of 2005.  Better professionalism and humility would have served better and probably made further growth at the organization more likely.  My apologies to those that may read this that I put in difficult positions: I expected more than I earned, and I guess I earned what I got.

Those words may be the hardest thing I have ever had to type.  It has taken me a full year to come to that conclusion.  I loved my job, my coworkers and the purpose of the organization.

Working at a place where you believe in the mission is a special blessing.  I was passionate about the company’s goals and it was very easy to get behind them.  You don’t realize it when you are living it, but it is a big thing to work for a company in which you share a passion.  It makes going to work all the more exciting and meaningful.  It almost makes it worth actually going to work.  Unfortunately you can’t put a monetary value on that.  It is a benefit without quantification.  When you have it you don’t realize it until it is gone.

I miss that single purpose feeling I once had.  I feel that this posting this is part of the recovery process from mourning that loss.  I have named my loss and can now ask God to redirect my life to a new purpose in a new location.

To end this story: I left the company on very good terms – and my best friends in the world are still there.  I miss them as co-workers and now miss them as neighbors.  They called to wish me Happy Birthday last night.  I missed their call, which makes me sad.  I love them all and felt so blessed to receive their call.  Thanks guys it meant a lot.

God – be with my friends – they are great people - and be with CTI.  Bless their ministry and all who work there.  May your favor shine on them all and may their efforts grow your kingdom.  Be with my family as we move closer to my work.  Help us find the Church that you are calling us too, and send us people to bless in your name.  In the name of Jesus, Amen